1. “HONEY”

    “WHAT”

    “WHERE’S MY SPEECH NOTES”

    “WHAT”

    “WHERE. ARE. MY. SPEECH. NOTES.”

    “I UHHHH. ORGANISED THEM.”

    “WHAT?!”

    “WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW.”

    “I NEED THEM

    “UH UH DON’T YOU THINK ABOUT PRACTISING THAT SPEECH TONIGHT I’VE BEEN PLANNING THIS DINNER FOR MONTHS”

    “BUT AMERICA IS IN NEED”

    “MY STOMACH IS IN NEED OF THAT FANCY DINNER.”

    “YOU TELL ME WHERE MY SPEECH IS WOMAN THIS IS FOR INTERNATIONAL JUSTICE”

    “I’M MICHELLE OBAMA. I INVENTED JUSTICE.”

    (Source: westmostcoast, via hecallsmepineappleprincess)

     
  2. Am I a prude?

    (Source: flashybarry, via thatfunnyblog)

     

  3. English Pronunciation

    acrumblebatchwithcustardfreeman:

    pantlesscait:

    sherlockismysuicidenote:

    kanrose:

    If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world.

    After trying the verses, a Frenchman said he’d prefer six months of hard labour to reading six lines aloud.

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    [source]

    OUR TEACHER MADE US READ THIS OUT LOUD IN CLASS AND I DIED

    I still can’t say anemone

    I only stuttered like twice and I’m stupidly proud.

    (Source: kanrose, via ethereal-realms)

     

  4. precumming:

    when you go to pet a dog and it growls at you

    image

    (via tyleroakley)

     
  5.  
  6. itslarsyouguys:

    YOU’RE a baby

    I’M a baby

    WE CAN BE BABIES TOGETHER

    (Source: dongwoon, via overthinking-killsyour-happiness)

     
  7. stopthisgirl:

    When you’re talking shit about someone then they walk past you

    (Source: saysabotage, via thefuuuucomics)

     

  8. codons:

    this girl who rode my bus once came up to me and was like “oh my god dont get offended or anything but are you GAAAAAAAAAAY?!” and i was like yeah and then she was like “OH MY GOD WE HAVE TO HANG OUT AND GO SHOPPING” and i was like “dont get offended or anything but are you ASIAN?!” and she was like “omg yeah im filipino” and i was like “OH MY GOD WE HAVE TO MAKE SPRING ROLLS AT YOUR HOUSE SOME TIME” and she never talked to me again 

    (via ruinedchildhood)

     

    1. Cop: Have you been drinking?
    2. Me: I been drankin'
    3. Cop: Surfbort
    4. Me: Surfbort
     

  9. voldesnorts:

    2spookytomhiddles:

    lollookatallthepeasants:

    spookymaradyer:

    creppyvevo:

    spookywanweird:

    fugrats:

    godwithabod:

    hey who wants to start a gang

    ill ask my mom

    my mom wants to talk to your mom just to make sure its okay

    my mom said its ok as long as im back before supper

    my mom volunteers to carpool

    Mom wants to know if we will be eating lunch there, or if I should just eat at home

    my mom will make us some snacks

    I can only go if I clean my room first

    (Source: financialshade, via thefuuuucomics)

     
  10. (Source: serfborts, via tyleroakley)

     
  11. stunningpicture:

    They call him Bagel Jesus. He takes the old bagels from work and distributes them to the hungry on the street. GGG right here!

    (via the-absolute-funniest-posts)

     
  12. iambeyinspired:

    Couple who shades together stay together

    (Source: fuckyeahqueenbeyonce, via the-absolute-funniest-posts)

     
  13. misha-mosha-masha:

    THIS SHOW IS COMEDY GOLD AND IF YOU DON’T THINK SO YOU NEED TO REEVALUATE YOUR LIFE

    (Source: winterforlovers, via the-absolute-best-gifs)

     
  14. bcteria:

    everything is a lie

    (Source: houenn, via tyleroakley)